A few years ago, I heard about a survey conducted that was intended to gauge ordinary people's assessment of the likelihood of a catastrophic dam failure. As it turns out, people believe the risk of dam failure is smaller the closer they live to the dam, up until the people who live right under the dam, who ardently believe the dam will not fail under any circumstances. Even though dam failure is obviously physically possible, the people who are at risk of losing their lives are literally incapable of accepting that fact.

That's exactly how I feel about the Washington game. Losing to Ty's Bad News Bears is statistically unlikely, and although it is technically possible, I am totally incapable of recognizing that possibility because the consequences would be unfathomable. For this reason, I am personally guaranteeing a win against Washington.

I'll even go one step further. I will be in Seattle for the game, and should the unthinkable occur, I will throw myself into the pacific ocean and leave the rest in God's hands. If I survive, I'll start a new life wherever I wash ashore. I'll even have someone post a video of my sacrifice here on the site.

Labels: Denial, End of Days

Pat Forde’s latest article discusses the ongoing Jim Harbaugh – Michigan spat. For those of you not up to date, Harbaugh publicly accused his alma mater in Ann Arbor of funneling football players into BS majors. Forde seems to take Harbaugh’s side, citing the overwhelming percentage of Michigan players who have not even declared a major, along with the fact that most of those who are declared are enrolled in general studies. In the interest of fairness, Forde allowed Cathy Conway-Perrin, Michigan’s director of academic standards, to defend the general studies major. I’m not going to rant about Michigan’s football team, and how only one (1) junior on the entire team has declared a major at all, but I am going to rip Ms. Conway-Perrin’s defense to shreds. Her quotes follow, with my commentary in bold.

"BGS [Bachelor of General Studies] can be more demanding in some ways… [f]or example, students are required to take at least 60 credits of upper-level courses (courses numbered 300 and above, which are generally more intensive courses aimed at juniors and seniors). Since students need 120 credits to graduate, that means that at least half of a BGS student's coursework is upper-level. This allows them to develop intensive knowledge in several areas of study. So while juniors and seniors who are pursuing a BA or a BS may continue to take introductory courses in areas in which they have a peripheral interest, BGS students tend to study their areas of interest in depth and take more upper-level courses."

Hold on just one second. Michigan requires 120 credits to graduate, and the general studies program requires you to take at least 60 credits of courses numbered 300 (junior level) and above. So in four years, half the credits you take have to be in junior or senior level courses. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you a junior or a senior for half of your four years at college?! Michigan’s “director of academic standards” is actually defending the general studies program by pointing out that juniors and seniors are required to take junior and senior level courses! You can say that about every major at every college!

"The BGS degree does not have a foreign language requirement, and the BA and BS do. Otherwise most of the degree requirements are the same: students must complete first-year writing, upper-level writing, quantitative reasoning, and race & ethnicity requirements for all three degrees. "

First year writing AND race & ethnicity? Gosh, that sounds tough. I had never even heard of “quantitative reasoning,” so I looked it up and actually found a University of Michigan - Flint (satellite campus) description of the course (link here). Turns out, it’s the application of basic arithmetic to situations encountered in every day life. I’m not joking. Here are some sample questions from Michigan’s quantitative reasoning course:

-A truck moving 50 miles per hour is moving how many feet per second? (There are 5280 feet in a mile)

- The number of forest fires in California was about 7,500 in 1999 and about 5,000 in 2000. This represents what percentage decrease in fires (to the nearest percent)?

-Given that the formula for converting degrees Fahrenheit (F) to degrees Celsius (C) is F-32=(9/5)C, convert 32 degrees Celsius to degrees Fahrenheit.

Jesus, and I thought the bullshit astronomy course I took as a freshman to satisfy my science requirement was easy. Quantitative reasoning makes that course look like Chinese Algebra. A truck moving 50 miles per hour is moving how many feet per second?!? What is this, 2nd grade? They even give you the number of feet in a mile!!! I’m honestly surprised that they didn’t provide the number of seconds in a minute!

"In our experience, the BGS is most attractive to students who want flexibility and who find the constraints of a traditional major limiting. The BGS degree allows students more latitude to explore and then develop expertise in multiple areas."

More latitude to explore? I’ll say.

Labels: Denial, Michigan Academic Officials